ANNE

Oops, I disappeared again.

My last post was on August 2021. Now, 2022 is ending, so as you know, I’ve been doing life, and as usual, life has been all kinds of chaotic.

First of all, I have been married for a good 11 months. How time flies. Marriage has been beautiful. Lots of learning, lots of support, lots of fun, and definitely lots of love. When you marry the right one, all is right with the world, arguments included. That’s that.

As life goes, and since March 2022, I have been growing life inside of me. Baby girl has been kicking and lively ever since and we can’t wait for her arrival. She’s perfect already.

Needless to say, pregnancy is a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful journey. A journey filled with affection, stress, pain - really, you name it, pregnancy’s filled with it. I’ll break it down, my experience, so far, anyway.

First Trimester:
One word - fatigue. My energy was super low, I did not have motivation for anything at all. The only thing I wanted to do was to lie down on the carpet, stare into space, and do nothing. Not even using the phone, not even scrolling social media - just nothing. And that’s what I did. Any movement gave me a headache, any movement activates sickness. Not to mention the food aversion. Food I love, I hate. There’s only one way the food flows… and it’s out. That’s pretty much the first trimester.

Second Trimester:
As they say, second trimester is the best trimester. I AGREE. I felt myself the most in this term and I had the most energy since the pregnancy started. I ate well, ate anything, did lots of things, went out… I could only wish the pregnancy stayed this way throughout! Unfortunately though, pregnancy is a build up of not just baby organs, but hormones, and these hormones came back again on the next trimester…

Third Trimester:
& this is where I’m currently at. Sickness coming back slowly as well as the food aversions. Said goodbye to my energy and motivation again and this time, emotions are on full force. God, the emotions. I’m plenty of it. I’m overflowing with it. I get sensitive at the smallest things, cried at every single thing and when I’m angry, I’m a full on erupted volcano. What’s the worse part? It’s so hard to control these emotions. When they come, they come full force. It makes me so sad, especially for the people around me. I feel bad for them, but it’s so hard.

Throughout everything though, pregnancy is filled with lots of guilt. I’m guilty for a lot of things. I am not able to do 90% of the things I’m used to do. I’m not able to be a great support to my loved ones. If I ever falter and feel all kinds of upset, I’ll also feel guilty, for my baby can feel what I feel. I’m pretty much restricted. I’m really edged to a corner. It feels like I’m training to not feel emotions. So it’s easy, you see, to just lose yourself when you’re pregnant. You don’t feel like yourself 99% of the time and it’s the most lonely journey ever. Not to say I don’t have support - I do, but the world don’t revolve around me, and life continues. People tend to forget you’re pregnant, they only remember what you’re capable of doing. Seven weeks to go though… The anticipation, the excitement, the love - all will be worth it in the end.

Despite all of that, all mamas are incredible. It’s a tough journey. Our bodies can do so much and God works in the most beautiful way. Pregnant or not, let’s all hang in there. The holidays are coming and so is fun and rest!